Why I Write (Day 1 from, An Untitled Collection)
MY SISTER ASKED ME if I believed I was called to write; when I think of God placing a calling on someone’s life I think of someone in the ministry such as a Pastor, Evangelist, or Missionary, so I would have to say, no I don’t. When I was talking with my publisher she told me not every book is a best seller; do I think mine ever will be, again, no I don’t, but that’s not why I write. However, I do believe God has given me a gift to write because you see without him I would have never been able to read, let alone write. I graduated from high school with about a third-grade reading level. When I was in the fourth grade my teacher learned I didn’t have the ability to sound out words and I couldn’t identify isolated words. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned I have visual dyslexia, as a side effect of abuse. I say the Lord taught me how to read because he provided Bible tapes to listen to as I read my Bible. He sent books my way, many through my sister, to introduce me to reading. Was it easy, no, but I wanted to learn so I stuck with it. When I first started to write I would get so frustrated because I couldn’t spell the words I wanted to use, and the dictionary was of no help because it was an isolated word; I had to read the definitions to find the right word. One day it took me eight hours to find a single word I wanted to use in a story, but it got easier over time and God brought in the materials I needed. I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I got my first computer and found spell and grammar check, although it still gives me fits at times, just ask my editor. I was home alone when I started writing, that’s why I say God taught me. I would read each story out loud to Him and He guided me through them, it’s hard to explain how, but when I was reading it was like my spiritual ears were opened and I knew when I needed to make changes. I still had to do a lot of research and dig deeper in the Word to find the scriptures but I would know instantly when I had. I began to get titles for stories or story ideas sometimes a whole paragraph, then the Lord would help me develop it into a complete story. I know this seems hard to believe, but as God is my witness it's true.
There is a song called Something Beautiful, the chorus goes like this; “Something beautiful, something good all my confusion He understood. All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife, but He made something beautiful out of my life.” From the first time I heard it I knew it defined what the Lord had done for me. So when I started writing it became my purpose to help others know that the past does not define who they are or their value in life. If one of my stories touches just one person and sets them on the road to a better understanding of themselves, all I went through was worth it. If one story opens someone’s eyes to the love God has for them, then my brokenness had a purpose. If someone's heart is touched to turn to the Lord, then all those years of surviving were worth it. If someone finds healing for a broken spirit, then all the loneness, pain, and sorrow I would go through again, just to see them set free. I not trying to be melodramatic, I honestly mean what I’m saying. God loves you that much and all I want from the life He has given me is to be used of Him. As the chorus of the song says I had nothing to offer Him but brokenness and strife but He had a purpose for everything I had been through, and my writing fills that purpose.